Q&A with KK: ‘How do I get over my fear of asking girls out’ – Dating Advice

How do I get over my fear of asking girls out?

Ask a dating questions, dating advice, dating services, dating coach, dating tipsDear KK,

I’m 22 and work at a college. There is a girl that attends there that I have strong feelings for. We see each other a few times a week, and I always look at her and she looks at me. I have this gut feeling that she feels the same way about me. The problem is that every woman I ever wanted to go out with had a boyfriend. Because of this experience I’ve developed this thinking that I won’t make a move on a woman unless I know she’s single.

Honestly, I’m afraid to talk to women I don’t know because of previously liking women that are already in relationships. How can I overcome this thinking? How should I tell her about my feelings for her?

– Afraid to Ask

Afraid to Ask,

Thank you for writing in and asking your Q and turning to me for some dating advice. Ask a dating question, Dating advice, dating coach, dating services, dating tips

We do need to remove the road block you have put before you. The blunt advice is to simply decide you are going to go talk to her and ask her out. It is that simple. Now, is there some crafting that needs to go into it, yes. Could she have a boyfriend, yes – but you don’t know that and it shouldn’t be your focus.

Whether I am coaching singles, couples or even business professionals our main focus is to break things down into action steps, not into results steps. Reason being is you can control your actions both in your personal life and business life. You can’t however control the results. I call it results steps so it points out literally how we truly tend to live our life and how it does not make any sense.  I am not going to pretend that results don’t matter nor that they don’t impact our lives but we tend to be out of balance in our focus and approach to results.

Focus on What You Can Control

You want to overcome the thinking then focus on what you can control. You can’t control if someone has a boyfriend or not. You can control whether or not you ask them out. Asking someone out is an action and is an action that you should not be shying away from. There is nothing wrong with asking someone out even if they have a boyfriend you don’t know about.

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Don’t Get Attached to Someone You Have Never Dated

You mentioned that you tend to be drawn to women that are in relationships. I don’t know this means you put yourself in the position to get flirty, chummy and invest in a lot of time before you ask a girl out leading to strong feelings and then by the time you do she has a boyfriend or if out of the 5 girls sitting in a class the one you will be drawn to is the with the a boyfriend. Either way the advice I would give here is to ask women out as you notice them to deter you from getting to emotionally drawn in before you know if they are single or not.  If you are picking the 1 out of 5 girl then push yourself to start to (delete)start dating a variety of women both ones you are strongly attracted to (both in looks and personality) as well as ones you are not so attracted to – challenge all your senses.

I Leave You With My Final Dating Advice

Move out of your own way. Be confident, date a variety of women – don’t just fixate on one or two. If a woman has a boyfriend it is nothing against you it’s just that lucky dude noticed her first – no big deal.  Remember to focus on the dating actions you can control – so stop being silly and don’t wait any longer to ask this girl out.

Good luck and let us know what happens!

Dating Coach MN, Dating CoachKK, Dating Advice, Dating Services, Dating Tips


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Dating CoachKK, Kimberly Koehler is the leading dating and relationship coach in Minneapolis, MN who helps men and women globally. As a renowned coach and professional speaker I bring you practical and applicable strategies and solutions to the most common dating and relationship struggles. Date smarter, have stronger relationship and join me as we navigate the dating and relationship maze.

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