Q&A with KK: Am I in friendship purgatory or is she romantically interested?

Am I in friendship purgatory or is she romantically interested?

Ask a dating questions, dating advice, dating services, dating coach, dating tips Dear KK,

I work at a gym and there is this girl I work with that I like a lot. We see each other regularly at work. Over the past month or so I believe we have gotten really close. She has been sending me some very mixed signals. She has accepted my invitations to go out three different times but has canceled each time right at the time of the date.

What is so confusing is at work we are always talking and physically close to each other. She touches me on the shoulder, sometimes lays her head on my shoulder and hugs me randomly. She tells me “I love you” every now and then. She also has been telling me she loves me in our text messages. This is all so confusing to me.

Does she actually likes me because it seems like the signals/signs are there but we can never get a date to happen?  I am not sure if she even considers it a date.  I really want to try but I don’t want to just keep getting flaked on by her. I really like her and feel really close to her but I just don’t know whether she wants to go further with our relationship or stay friends or what. Should I still try for her?


I heart a flake

Do you have your own dating question you would like answered? Click here to get advice.

Dear, I Heart A Flake,Ask a dating question, Dating advice, dating coach, dating services, dating tips

Thank you for writing in and asking some dating advice. I believe we both can agree that women at times can be very confusing. Sometimes it is a wonder how we ever get together. Right?

What Signals Are Really Being Sent? Are you a buddy or a romantic interest?

As you have already assessed the lines are very blurry with the two of you. On one hand she is giving off signals that she likes you romantically. Then, on the other, her flaking out on your dates tells me she is not romantically interested in you. Assuming she is a mature woman who is not self-centered, her behavior indicates she is not interested in dating you. If she had canceled one of your dates, I wouldn’t be so quick to come to this conclusion, but cancelling three different times at the time of the outing/date simply tells me she just isn’t that into you.

So Why Is She Flirting & Sending Mixed Messages?

I am sure you are wondering if she didn’t like you why is she flirting with you, touching you, telling you she loves you. Right? Well, not knowing either of you or seeing you two in action I am going to take a guess here.  Just about everyone enjoys attention and feeling safe. It is my guess that she likes how you make her feel and that you make it easy to be around. It is clear she feels comfortable with you and doesn’t have any issues being close to you. This does not necessarily mean though that she is viewing you as a romantic possibility. She may wish to hang out and that is why she says yes, but then maybe when the time approaches she thinks twice because she may have a sense that you like her more than she likes you. So she flakes out and cancels.

dating coach mn, dating advice, dating tips, Q&A with KK, dating service,Is It Really Flirting or Just Being Friendly?

Over the next week step back at work and watch to see how she interacts with others at work. You are looking to see if truly the things she does with you are isolated to just you. She could simply be a touchy, warm, playful person. Does it seem she is the type to use “I love you” loosely?  Warm playful people can often times be accused of being flirts and teases but most often, this is not their intent at all. They are simply being themselves and sharing a very special gift they have which is making people feel really good and special. This energy and behavior is so comforting and is often times interpreted as indicating romantic interest and flirting while from their point of view, they are just being friendly.

So What Can You Do To Really Find Out If She Is Into You?

You have a couple options here:

Officially ask her out on a date.

You stated you are not sure she knows you are asking her out on a date or how she is interpreting your asking her out, so ask her one more time. When you ask her out this time make it clear it is a date. Call it a date. You can say something like “So when should we go out on our date?” and be playful with it. Or you can be more direct with her. Think of a date you want to go on with her and when you want to do that and then say something like, “This weekend I would like to take you out on a date to ________. Should we go on Saturday or Sunday?”

Open the door for the two of you to talk about what is going on

Another approach you can take is say this to her, “What do you think about us going out on a date?” This will open the door for a conversation. This is bold yet it will get you the answers you are looking for. If she accepts, then make sure you arrange to pick her up for the date. If she tries to be playful in a manner that shakes off the date thing, then don’t let her off the hook. She is trying to deflect. With a big smile you can say something like, “Am I misreading your signals?” This should push both of you to have an honest conversation about how you both feel.

My Final Dating Advice

Be prepared to find out that you are in friendship purgatory. It is my guess that with her cancelling the three times you guys were supposed to go out, she is aware of your interest in her but doesn’t want to hurt you. I am thinking she cares for you as a friend and doesn’t realize she is sending you mixed signals. She is the keeper of this knowledge and you owe it to yourself to find out once and for all if there is something there between the two of you or not.  Be brave and go to her to find out, so you can put this to rest and move your life forward.

Good luck!

Dating Coach MN, Dating CoachKK, Dating Advice, Dating Services, Dating Tips

The following two tabs change content below.
Dating CoachKK, Kimberly Koehler is the leading dating and relationship coach in Minneapolis, MN who helps men and women globally. As a renowned coach and professional speaker I bring you practical and applicable strategies and solutions to the most common dating and relationship struggles. Date smarter, have stronger relationship and join me as we navigate the dating and relationship maze.

Leave a Reply

Avoid These 7 Dating Traps

STOP Making These Dating Mistakes!