It’s not the 1950’s, dating rules have changed

The time when it was the duty of the man to pursue has passed

When I was a teenager my father had a rule about dating; I was not to pursue boys. His philosophy was if any boy was interested in me then the boy would make all the moves and I was to make none.  I was not to ask for his phone number, I was not to contact him unless he contacted me, and heaven forbid if I asked him out on a date.  Yes, my father’s rules were old fashioned and far stricter than my friend’s parents. The majority of my friends were taught that the responsibility of dating advances were in the hands of the boys they liked instead of in their own hands.

When you fast forward to today and take these same boys who are now men they experience many more obstacles. They are exposed to a larger number of dating age ranges, women with different upbringings and dating styles, and an appearance of a societal revolution on dating. You have men who are confused and feel a bit lost in all the do’s and don’ts of dating.

All things women have evolved. We have great jobs; nearly twice as many single females are buying homes vs. single men, and women have become more and more vocal about their dating and relationship needs. How we dated in the 50’s is not the same as how we date today. Many women still wish Prince Charming would swoop in and whisk her off her feet but we have to get him there.

I don’t chase men

There are so many times I find humor in the things women do and say and this would be one of those times. I hear far too often at events I host women saying, “He knows I am interested, if he likes me he will make a move, I don’t chase men”. There is one time I am thinking of in particular. The gal is a wonderful person and so is the man. They met the night before at a singles event and then bumped into each other again at my event. They had what appeared to be good conversation.

As she was getting ready to leave we started talking about him. She shared she was frustrated and disappointed he didn’t ask her for her number or make any other kind of move. I suggested that she send him a short note expressing how she enjoyed meeting him that weekend and that maybe they could grab a bite to eat or meet for a cup of coffee some time.  Her response to my suggestion was that she doesn’t chase men. Internally I laughed and thought, “Okay, stay single then! This is not a matter of chasing a man, rather simply letting him know you are interested”.

Being the matchmaker I am, I hate seeing people miss out on opportunities, I went over to the gentlemen and had a chat.  He shared that he was not sure that she liked him and that he had a hard time telling if she was just being nice or if she had true interest. He said he would email her and see what may come of it.

If I had not stepped in the middle then opportunity would have been missed. The guy would not have felt “chased” by the women simply sending him a short note to express her interests. I realize that by her making this move she opens the door to be rejected, however when she left that night she already felt rejected when, in fact, that simply was not the case.

Today, men appreciate an elegant direct sign you are interested

I guarantee there are many people that missed out on many possibilities this weekend because both parties could not tell if the other was interested. Most men appreciate women being more forward. When I say forward I do not mean they want women to take full charge and take the hunt from them because men are hunters at heart and enjoy a little bit of a chase. The bottom line is that they appreciate confirmation from you that the signs they “think” they are seeing are what you are meaning to send.

There is a very sexy and elegant way to contact a man that you just met to show him you’re interested while not seeming too forward. This can be done in person when you meet them or as a follow-up through email, text, Facebook or even Twitter. You can also use these same avenues/channels/methods to give him your phone number or email address. Taking a soft first step and showing a man that you are interested takes away the first initial fear, “is she even interested in me?” When you answer this question for them and then allow them to lead the pursuit from there, you open far more doors in your dating life that would have otherwise been left closed.

Dating is about possibilities; don’t miss out on any of them.


About the Me:

I am Dating Coach KK – Kimberly Koehler, I am the leading dating coach in Minneapolis, Minnesota who helps singles locally in the Twin Cities, nationally and globally.  As a renowned dating coach and keynote speaker I bring you practical solutions to the most frustrating dating struggles. My passion is to teach my clients how to master the art of dating so they are empowered to achieve the dating and relationship life they desire. Contact me today to find out how she can help you. Follow me on Twitter @DatingCoachKK


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Dating CoachKK, Kimberly Koehler is the leading dating and relationship coach in Minneapolis, MN who helps men and women globally. As a renowned coach and professional speaker I bring you practical and applicable strategies and solutions to the most common dating and relationship struggles. Date smarter, have stronger relationship and join me as we navigate the dating and relationship maze.
  1. That is absolutely right.

  2. I remember that situation. But technology changed our culture including the dating rules. Dating can be done through internet, Bar hopping, shopping etc.

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