Dating Coach MN – Why Having a Job and Living on Your Own Impacts The Dating Life of Single Males – Dating CoachKK Answers

Dating Coach MN, Dating Advice, Dating Adivice Column, Dating CoachKKDear KK,

I’m having some problems asking out girls. I try to ask girls out but I feel like in order to find love I need a car, money, and a mansion.

My short comings are that I am unemployed and living at home with my parents. The things I have going for me are that I am kind, respectful, friendly, caring, loving and can be protective but I don’t think that will be the most important in a relationship.
I’m in my early 20s and I have a high school diploma. I’m focused on finding work but I feel like I really should find a girlfriend.

What should I do?

– 20s & Trying

Dating CoachKK’s Expert Answer

20 & Trying,

Thank you for writing in and asking your question.

Not being able to know the type of women you are trying to meet, where you are trying to meet them and the “game” you bring when trying to meet them, I can tell you I don’t exactly need to. Currently you lack confidence in yourself and your ability of “providing” in a relationship. It is natural for men to have their confidence bruised by their ability to provide, as this is something that goes back to the caveman days. Men have been the hunters, gathers and provider since the beginning of our existence. Many men are raised to understand this is a significant role to play in their lives along with pressure from society fulfill this standard.

As women have evolved, we are seeing more women accomplishing their career, financial and lifestyle goals on their own. This puts a much different type of pressure on men. Yes, there are still women who have more of a traditional view on the role of a man in their relationship as a provider, but we are seeing the more progressive women basing their judgments out of a desire of having an equal.

Progressive women tend to be seeking someone who can provide for themselves on their own, who have been fiscally responsible and striving to achieve similar goals. As they look to the future, they desire to see someone who can be a great role model for their children if that should come into the picture someday. They desire to have an unwavering confidence and conviction that their man is stable and moving in the same direction as they are.

In general, women will judge you based on if you have a job, a car, and if you are living on your own (whether it is with a roommate or a place all to yourself). The reason for this is it sends a message to women that you are taking responsibility for yourself. Women view this as you taken a step forward in your life and you are growing up.

After thousands of conversations with women from all walks of life, I can confidently share with you women fear now more than ever having to support their boyfriends. Women are far less tolerant of this idea as well. So they may judge you more harshly the older you get and the more mature, successful and stable they become.

There are skills and a level of maturity you develop through the life experience of being responsible for yourself. It is a very scary and hard step to make, but until you do, women of quality are going to struggle to not dismiss you as boyfriend material.

This brings me to my next point. Whether you are 22, 32, or 55 if your life is not in a stable state then your dating life is going to be unstable as well. I have branded myself as a Dating Coach but much of my work is as a life coach. Much of what I teach my clients is to focus on making their life healthy, stable and moving in the directions of their goals and dreams. As they build their life as they desire and start achieving their career, financial, and life goals they become more stable. As they become more stable, this increases their happiness because they start walking taller, living well, and start feeling much better about their life. The confidence they gain is infectious, it is attractive and at this point in life is when they start really meeting quality partners.

Life is complicated and I can certainly appreciate your desire for companionship, a relationship and to have that special someone. My advice to you is to step back a moment and really ask yourself what it is you want in life and make a plan to get there. Once you are there, get out there and share yourself with the world and meet that lucky someone. Along your journey just remember these two things: anything worth having requires time, energy, effort and hard work; and as long as you lack confidence in yourself so will others.

So today figure out what you want, make a plan to accomplish it and get out there and work your plan. Each morning wake-up with actions that you are going to take to bring you one more, two more or even 10 more steps closer to having the life you want. This is your life – determine where you want to take it.

Good luck and Best Wishes,

– KK

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Dating CoachKK, Kimberly Koehler is the leading dating and relationship coach in Minneapolis, MN who helps men and women globally. As a renowned coach and professional speaker I bring you practical and applicable strategies and solutions to the most common dating and relationship struggles. Date smarter, have stronger relationship and join me as we navigate the dating and relationship maze.

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