Dating Advice: Stop the Kiss of Death of Nagging

Nag, nag, nag! O my gosh all she does is Nag!  I can’t do anything right, I am not good enough, and when will she stop! Nagging can be such a destructive path in a relationship. Sadly it often comes out of the desire to be heard, listened to, and acknowledged. Nagging really is a form of a desperate cry for your attention and communication.

When a women nags she is hoping for a positive result to the immediate communicated problem The Kiss of Death - 265.365 by Hi, I'm Kristianohowever if your mate is constantly nagging then it is a sign of an even greater problem. What happens is the original issue is lost to ineffective  communication and comes out in the form of nagging. Most women unconsciously communicate indirectly and believe that somehow through their indirect communication you will understand what is going on with her. Men tend to start to shut down and miss that there is a greater problem that his love is trying to communicate.

If you are seeing a pattern of nagging then it is suggested that you press pause and spend the time to communicate and get down to the the root of the nagging.  An excellent exercise to practice is getting her to talk about how she feels and to encourage her instead of being broad in her communication with you to focus it down to the core issue of the problem so you can understand and be attentive to her needs.

Try this:

  • Ask her to identify, describe and share the specific behavior that she is taking issue with.
  • Ask her to share what she interprets these actions or behavior to mean.
  • Ask her to share how it makes her feel.
  • Ask her what ideas she has that could bring resolution

Now it’s your turn:

  • Acknowledge how she feels by thanking her for sharing.
  • Typically whatever is going on is due to miscommunication and it is always a good ground builder if you can say something like “I am sorry we are having this miscommunication, I have not wished to make you feel this way.”
  • Reassure her that what she is interpreting your behavior to be is not the case rather explain why whatever has been happening is happening because of what is going on with you and explain what that is and how it is effecting you.
  • Acknowledge an idea she has offered for a solution if you would like to use that as a solution to the issue or ask her what she feels and thinks about you addressing this issue in the future in a manner you would like to suggest.

The resolution:

  • Come up together with a solution you both truly agree is fair and respectful to both of your needs.
  • Schedule a check in date that will allow you enough time to put to action your solution and will allow you to know if the solution is working or not. If not then have a plan ‘b’ or a commitment to come up with one at that time.

By taking this approach you alleviate the attacking and defensive behaviors. You get down to the root of the issue directly and effectively. You allow each person to share their feelings, be acknowledged and you move to a resolution.  If you are in a new relationship you can use this style of communication at anytime you see the both of you are speaking different languages and be well a head of your married friends.

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Dating CoachKK, Kimberly Koehler is the leading dating and relationship coach in Minneapolis, MN who helps men and women globally. As a renowned coach and professional speaker I bring you practical and applicable strategies and solutions to the most common dating and relationship struggles. Date smarter, have stronger relationship and join me as we navigate the dating and relationship maze.

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