Dating Advice: How can I get a second chance – Q&A with KK

How do I get a second chance to date this woman?

Ask a dating questions, dating advice, dating services, dating coach, dating tips

KK,

I went to a ball with a gal that lives 2 hours away from me. We hit it off and got along really well. The next day we made out a little bit but nothing to serious.

After she left I sent a text to see if she got home ok and then again on Monday. After my text messages we talked on the phone and over the course of the first part of that week we continued this texting and talking regularly. She then stopped responding.  I kept trying to get her attention, but then stopped after a bit due to her lack of response. It was clear I went overboard on the texting when a friend of hers messaged a friend of mine suggesting I ease up on the messages  

Today she texted me saying that she’s going through a lot of stress in her life and it’s all overwhelming and she hopes I can respect her space and still be friends. She shared she needs to go to counseling to resolve some emotional issues she is having due to her ex cheating on her and that she needs to figure some things out.

I am respecting her wishes and have decided not to text her unless she reaches out first, but I would like to see her again. In 2 weeks I will be in her area again and I am wondering if you think there is a chance of getting another shot?  If I wanted to meet her how I would go about it?

I am hoping I can restart those 3 days somehow. My talkative personality could have scared her off but I am wondering, is there any hope?

– The Mulligan Seeker

 

Ask a dating question, Dating advice, dating coach, dating services, dating tips

Mulligan Seeker,

Thank you for taking time to write in to ask for some advice.

Do you still have a chance?

First let’s start with your most pressing question, “Do you still have a chance?” I believe if you give up and simply walk away and do nothing more you most definitely no longer have a chance. It is good you have realized the need to back off on the texting as it is overwhelming her and would definitely destroy any chance you may have at dating this woman.   I think if you want a chance at dating her then you need to take some deliberate steps to show your interest while also respecting her space.  Will it work? Who knows but you won’t unless you try.

 There are a couple things you can try:

Host a Group Outing

You can try to organize a group type outing for the next time you are in her area. You would want to invite friends that both of you know as well as inviting her. This takes off the date like pressure for both of you and yet allows you both to be together again. 

While at the gathering you will want to do what feels right and natural for you. You don’t want to ignore her or play hard to get rather you want to show her the person you were the night of the ball and the next morning. You want to be open, friendly and warm and welcoming towards her. You will also want to make sure you don’t smother her or do anything that is creepy or clingy – in other words be sure to give her space throughout the night if it appears she desires some.

At some point in the night be sure to thank her and everyone else for going out. You want to do this individually starting with other people first and then her. This will avoid making her feel isolated and show your warm and friendly side.

Then the day after the event in the evening send her a text thanking her again for joining the group and letting her know it was great to see her again. Wait for her response. If her response is positive and inviting then respond with something like “I will be back in 2 weeks what do you think about us hitting up xyz on xday?” Wait for her response. If she agrees then tell her you will call on xday around xtime to hammer out the details.

Free Dating Advice, Dating coach, dating tips, dating coachkkSimply Ask Her Out

The other option you have is to skip the group friend thing and jump right to asking her out. You would want to send a text message to her like the one I shared above. When you pick an idea, pick something you either both talked about enjoying when you went to the ball or something you know she likes to do. Have it be something fun that will make you both laugh or something she is passionate about.

Couple things to keep in mind about asking her out:

  • Pick an event or outing that will excite her – avoid romantic
  • You can give her an option of picking a day that works best for her by saying, “… what do you think about hitting up xyz on xday or xday?”
  •  When picking a day to call her choose a day that is a few days before your outing.
  •  Only send messages between the time you ask her out and the time you talk to her on the phone that are in response to messages she sends you. In other words don’t send more text messages on your own.


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Give Her Time to Heal

If she truly is in an unhealthy place emotionally and is stressed out then being supportive by giving her time to heal and respecting her wishes for time to do so is very important. You want a healthy partner and the healing she needs to do is something she has to do on her own. You cannot fix her but you can be there for her.

Having said this do keep your ears and eyes open because she could have used the cheating and counseling thing as a way to let you down softly if she is not interested in dating you. 

My final dating advice to you

Sometimes in life you meet people that take your breath away and you want nothing more than to smother yourself with their energy. It feels great but it also can make you do crazy things.  It is not your talkative ways that may have scared this woman off but your intense engagement so quickly.  When someone comes on strong and is constantly texting it can leads the receiver feeling smothered and can often send a message that you are needy and clingy which really translates to you being insecure. When dating learning to balance being authentic, sincere and engaging with needy, clingy and insecurity is critical and will be one of the most valuable dating skills you will ever learn.

Lastly, be confident and go after what you want. Be deliberate and thoughtful with your dating efforts.  You may not date this gal but if you start building your dating skills and learn positively from each dating situation, embracing the good times and allowing the missteps along the way to guide you and teach you in a positive manner you will not only be a better dater but a better companion for the special ladies that have the honor to be loved by you.

Good luck  Mulligan Seeker let us know how it goes!

Dating Coach MN, Dating CoachKK, Dating Advice, Dating Services, Dating Tips

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Dating CoachKK, Kimberly Koehler is the leading dating and relationship coach in Minneapolis, MN who helps men and women globally. As a renowned coach and professional speaker I bring you practical and applicable strategies and solutions to the most common dating and relationship struggles. Date smarter, have stronger relationship and join me as we navigate the dating and relationship maze.

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