7 Dating Tips for Overweight Singles – Dating Advice from Dating Coach Kimberly Koehler

Dating Tips for Overweight Singles

Attraction can be a tricky thing and I am not going to pretend that when men and women are dating, or in general for that matter, that they

Dating tips for overweight singles

7 Dating tips for overweight singles

do not pay attention to someones physical looks. It would simply be a ridiculous notion and careless of me. I would however like to share with you some of my story and the wisdom I have learned over the past decades not only as a dating coach but also as a plus size woman.

In my forthcoming book “Date Smarter – The Savvy Singles Guide to Navigating the Dating Maze” I share with my readers some of the battles I had growing up and the impact it had on my dating life and self-esteem early on.  As an overweight child my mother taught me year after year and one crash diet after another that fat equaled ugly. That it was shameful to be fat and that men only find skinny women to be desirable because only skinny women are considered to be beautiful. Basically, to sum up my mothers message, there was to be no place for me in dating, love, marriage or happiness really if I were an overweight woman. This message didn’t fall on deaf ears and I know, I am not alone. Many women and men out there have grown up with similar messaging from the ones they love.

I am here to loudly and proudly tell you my mother was wrong and all the messaging out there that has a similar tone to it is wrong as well. There is an overabundance of love, dating and marriage happiness and overall life happiness out there for a fat, overweight, plus size … I don’t care take your pick on what you wish to use as a label (I personally love saying playfully “chunky monkey” when speaking of myself) … person to experience.

7 Tips for finding love and happiness when you are overweight and single

Everyone has an equal shot

You have to believe in your heart that everyone out there is given an equal shot at being happy, to enjoy the dating journey and at finding love. If you are walking around thinking the deck is stacked against you because you are of certain size, look or personality then you are aiding in making this notion a reality.   When someone walks around with this thinking they exude negative vibes and are often times found to be unattractive due more to their vibes then their physical appearance.

Bring the energy

People are drawn to energy and it is one of the first things that is noticed about you. I chuckled recently when a client of mine called me the Energizer Bunny in response to a statement I made about a singles event that I was hosting in Minneapolis, MN. There is a big misconception that fat people are not active and don’t have energy; it is up to you to show people otherwise.

Rock your wardrobe

I can’t tell you how important this is!!! I see far to many overweight singles wearing clothing that does not flatter them. Yes, I go shopping and I see many of the dreadful non-options out there. Don’t take the easy route and simply go with the crap out there because you didn’t want to invest in the time to look your very best. The choice of clothing and style is one of the greatest messengers that overweight people have. Choose what message you desire to send to the world. Do you want it to be “I’m confident, I love myself, I care what I look like” or do you want to tell the world you have given up, you don’t care about yourself and neither should they? Show them that not only is it important to you that you feel good about yourself but also you care that you look good.

Learn to dress your body to hide your flaws and accentuate the parts of your body that rock. Keep yourself well groomed and have a high level of personal hygiene. There are so many great ways to visually and physically express you do take care of yourself and care about your appearance.

Don’t make it about your weight

One of the biggest mistakes I see overweight singles make is that they are overly focused on their size. I see this time and time again, and all it does it work against them. If you are focused on your weight then so will other people. I have had clients come to me and share that they believe that they cannot find love because every date they go on ends with the other person not interested in them because they are fat. Then as we get further into the coaching session I discover there were far more reasons than the person’s weight that lead to the lack of mutual attraction.

Fat does not = unattractive

Don’t listen to all the noise out there. Understand that being an overweight single person does not make you unattractive. There are many variables that make up attractiveness and your weight is just one of them.

Accentuate the positives

Share with the world all the beautiful things that make you who you are. There is nothing sexier then a man or woman that knows their value, is confident in themselves and shares their beautiful spirit with the world. There is so much more to you then your weight and let the singles out there know that in a positive, humble, alluring kind of way.

Maintain your confidence and self-esteem

Self-esteem and confidence are two great influences on your dating life. Singles at any size struggle with confidence and low self-esteem but overweight daters can find themselves really struggling with these two. Learn how to develop and maintain your confidence and self-esteem. Do mental, emotional and physical exercises every day that will keep you healthy, full of confidence and build your self-esteem.

I leave you with this final bit of dating advice about finding love and happiness if you are overweight

Whether you are a size 2 or 22 or 32 or 58 if you do not truly love yourself and are at peace with who you are, then it is going to be incredibly challenging to find love and happiness. You need to love yourself first, be confidence in who you are and have a good amount of self-esteem to find meaningful love and happiness.

Being ‘skinny’ doesn’t make you happy; you have to make you happy. When you shine for the world it notices and you attract many great things into your life. Two of those amazing things are love and happiness. Know that you not only deserve both but you are also worthy of them.  Believe in yourself!

Join the conversation below…

Share your positive dating tips for overweight singles that are looking for love and happiness.

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Dating CoachKK, Kimberly Koehler is the leading dating and relationship coach in Minneapolis, MN who helps men and women globally. As a renowned coach and professional speaker I bring you practical and applicable strategies and solutions to the most common dating and relationship struggles. Date smarter, have stronger relationship and join me as we navigate the dating and relationship maze.
  1. Great article. Keep posting such kind of information on your site. I’m really impressed by it. I will certainly digg it and for my part recommend to my friends. I’m sure they’ll benefited from this site.

    • Joseph,

      Thank you! It can be hard sometimes to keep up with article writing but I do get inspired when readers post a comment and share that they find my posts helpful. It truly inspires me to write more.

      I look forward to you coming back often and sharing in the conversations.


      – K

  2. In fact, many big women are very beautiful. Skinny white girls are not ideal of all men.

  3. Thank you. I love plus size women.

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